51: The Black Wolf & the White Wolf - Which One Is Running Your Life?

00:00:00: Hello and a very warm welcome to another episode of the Bayonne podcast.

00:00:05: I am really happy you're here, And today i want talk about an image that use quite often because it explains something incredibly complex in simple way.

00:00:16: It's the image of black wolf and white wolf.

00:00:19: For me these two wolves represent two different places within us.

00:00:24: There is this deeper part of us that knows who we are underneath all the noise, Underneath our conditioning and everything We have learned to believe about ourselves.

00:00:34: And then there's another Part That has been shaped by Our past and keeps trying To bring Us back into what feels Familiarer!

00:00:42: That Conditioned Part Is What I call The Black Wolf... ...and i want to make something very clear right at the beginning because i think This is important.

00:00:52: I don't see the black wolf as something evil, or a part of you that needs to be fought.

00:00:58: The Black Wolf has simply been fed for very long time and everytime you believed an old story about yourself your fed it!

00:01:07: Everytime something happened then they used this as proofs that you weren´t good enough ,weren´t lovable enough or life doesn´t work for you.

00:01:15: This wolf got another little piece food.

00:01:18: So of course it became strong.

00:01:22: Maybe for twenty years you have been carrying the belief that people eventually leave you, then someone your love becomes a little distant one day and The black wolf immediately wakes up because he knows this territory incredibly well.

00:01:36: It says see there is again And that voice can feel so convincing Because they know his story.

00:01:44: It knows exactly where you have been hurt before and which thoughts will get your attention.

00:01:49: And that's also why the black wolf often doesn't sound like fear, sometimes it sounds incredibly reasonable.

00:01:57: Maybe there is a decision you've felt inside of for long time?

00:02:01: Suddenly start thinking perhaps now isn't right moment after all or You know that there is something you need to say to somebody, but your mind immediately finds very intelligent reasons why keeping quiet might be the safer choice.

00:02:18: And because these thoughts sound so familiar we sometimes confuse them with intuition... ...but familiar doesn't automatically mean true!

00:02:28: Sometimes it simply means this is a voice which has practiced for longest.

00:02:33: The white wolf comes from different places.

00:02:37: For me, the White Wolf represents a part of you that remembers.

00:02:42: It remembers your value even when somebody else doesn't recognize it – it can see beyond what has happened before and remain connected to possibility for something new!

00:02:53: And I don't mean some fantasy version who never feels fear or somehow flows through life in permanent state enlightenment….

00:03:01: The white wolf can see reality very clearly….

00:03:05: It can say, yes this hurts.

00:03:08: it cannot acknowledge that something didn't go the way you hoped but doesn't automatically turn their experience into an identity.

00:03:16: and I think this distinction is huge because something could happen to without becoming a definition of you.

00:03:24: let's say someone who cares about suddenly feels distant.

00:03:29: maybe they answer differently than usual and something in you immediately notices the change.

00:03:36: The black wolf might say, Something is wrong!

00:03:40: Maybe your not loved in a way that thought was.

00:03:43: And then your mind begins connecting this moment to something older.

00:03:48: You remember another situation where somebody pulled away from you?

00:03:52: maybe you remembered our relationship years ago and suddenly what's happening today carries all of history with it And within a few minutes, one small moment can become here.

00:04:04: we go again.

00:04:05: This always happens to me.

00:04:07: and now you're no longer only experiencing what is happening today You are experiencing every other moment where have ever felt rejected.

00:04:16: That's what conditioning does.

00:04:19: It takes something from the present and connects it into an old field until that feels like reality.

00:04:27: And this is why awareness, it's so incredibly important.

00:04:31: Because very often we think we are reacting to the present moment when actually... The present moment has simply activated something that was already there.

00:04:41: Rejection is such a good example for this!

00:04:45: Someone doesn't give you the closeness your were hoping for and of course that can hurt.

00:04:51: There is nothing wrong with feeling that.

00:04:53: But then the black wolf wants to make a pain mean something about you.

00:04:57: Now it becomes, maybe I'm not lovable enough or of course i am one who isn't chosen And there is an enormous difference between experiencing rejection and turning yourself into rejected woman.

00:05:12: feel that difference?

00:05:13: I say again There's a difference between Experiencing rejection and Turning Yourself Into A Rejected Woman And the white wolf leaves more space.

00:05:26: It can say, yes I feel rejected right now and i'm still me!

00:05:32: it doesn't need to deny what happened...it simply refuses.

00:05:36: make one experience authority on your earth.

00:05:40: This is where whole image of feeding wolves becomes so powerful Because both wolves exist inside you at same time.

00:05:49: You can hear the old story and still have another part of you that knows there's more available.

00:05:55: The question is simply, which one do continue to feed?

00:06:00: And in theory this very simple – stop feeding a black wolf or feed white ones!

00:06:05: But simple doesn't always mean easy because imagine if you had fed one wolf every single day for years then suddenly decide to stop.

00:06:16: What do think happens?

00:06:18: It gets hungry, and the hungry wolf does not necessarily become quiet.

00:06:24: Actually it may be louder at first!

00:06:27: I think this is one of most important things to understand when you begin changing an old pattern.

00:06:33: Sometimes we decide that your no longer going make rejection mean that you are unlovable And suddenly notice a fear of rejection everywhere.

00:06:41: Or you decide that your done comparing in body to other women and your mind seems find even more opportunities compare.

00:06:49: And then it is so easy think, why this getting worse?

00:06:52: I thought i had worked on this.

00:06:54: Maybe its not getting worse?

00:06:56: maybe the black wolf simply hungry?

00:06:59: It's used for geting attention.

00:07:01: Its use of giving one thought or having follow into next until have created an entire story around For years has been food.

00:07:11: And now you suddenly say, I'm not doing this anymore.

00:07:15: Of course it will come back!

00:07:17: Of course It'll knock on the door and sometimes it will knock very loudly.

00:07:23: This is where practice really begins Because starving a black wolf does not mean that thoughts never appear again.

00:07:31: It means stop feeding them.

00:07:34: So The thought comes see your being rejected again And instead of spending the next hour finding evidence for why that is true, you notice it.

00:07:44: You might even think oh there you are hello again and then you leave it there!

00:07:50: You don't need to fight because fighting would still mean giving your full attention.

00:07:56: You also don't have to convince a black wolf that this was wrong – simply stop putting food in front.

00:08:05: The old pattern once a response it already knows.

00:08:09: It wants you to go back into the same story because that is how it has survived, but every time You don't follow with something begins to change?

00:08:19: The thought may still be there But do stop turning the thought into your reality and I think that this such an important difference Because sometimes we believe healing means than all thought will never return.

00:08:32: I Don't see it that way.

00:08:33: For me, freedom begins when the thought can return and you no longer automatically follow it.

00:08:40: The black wolf can make noise without deciding what happens next.

00:08:45: And while you stop feeding that old field You begin strengthening the white wolf.

00:08:50: That doesn't happen through forcing yourself to think beautiful thoughts all day long!

00:08:54: The White Wolf grows every time you come back To What is actually true for YOU.

00:09:00: Someone else's behavior Doesn't defend your value so you stop using it as evidence against yourself.

00:09:07: You notice an uncomfortable feeling in your body without immediately building a whole story around what it means, and begin responding from the woman that you are choosing to be rather than everything you have experienced before – that is food for the white wolf!

00:09:23: And you can see exactly same process with their relationship with our bodies….

00:09:28: Maybe wake up one morning and simply don't feel amazing.

00:09:31: You look in the mirror and something bothers you.

00:09:35: That can remain one morning where you don't particularly like what you see, but a black wolf knows another way – it opens every old foul you have about your body!

00:09:47: Now remembering all of things you've criticized before maybe you start comparing yourself within a short amount time.

00:09:54: this moment has activated much bigger identity around not liking.

00:10:00: The original experience was actually quite small.

00:10:04: What became painful, were everything you added to it so the white wolf might simply say okay today I don't feel great in my body.

00:10:15: i have a bad hair day for example and then life continues.

00:10:19: You do not turn one uncomfortable morning into war with yourself.

00:10:26: For me this is self leadership And the beautiful thing is that once you understand a black wolf this way, it can actually become incredibly useful.

00:10:36: Because it starts showing where your conditioning still lives!

00:10:41: If you notice every time someone creates a little distance... ...your whole system immediately moves into fear of abandonment and tells something to you if another woman's beauty instantly activates comparison.

00:10:55: You've just discovered an other place where the black wolf is used to being fed.

00:11:00: But now you can see it!

00:11:02: This is wonderful, You don't have make yourself wrong for it... ...you can almost become curious.

00:11:09: Oh interesting this one of my places That already creates distance between you and a story.

00:11:15: So your no longer completely inside of it And from there you'll have new choice.

00:11:22: How do you make white wolves stronger?

00:11:25: For me, this has so much to do with knowing yourself.

00:11:27: You need some kind of inner-reference point.

00:11:31: What you want be when life becomes uncomfortable?

00:11:34: what kind of relationship that we want have at your self and somebody doesn't choose you?

00:11:39: or When another person does not understand the decision make?

00:11:43: Because if there is no relationship in our own truth Whatever is loudest can very easily become your direction.

00:11:51: This why intention is important for us.

00:11:55: I keep returning to the way i want to live and a woman I choose to be inside my own life.

00:12:00: Of course,I don't stay there perfectly all that time!

00:12:03: Something happens...i get triggered..and fall into an old story....I'm

00:12:07: human!!

00:12:08: But I know where I wanna return too.....And everytime I return......I feed white

00:12:14: wolf!!!

00:12:15: And sometimes this becomes very practical.

00:12:18: You notice that you are about to make a decision from fear, and give yourself some space before your act.

00:12:25: Maybe there is conversation you have been avoiding because you're afraid of the other person's reaction but deep down... ...you know speaking truth is more aligned choice Or maybe direction in life feels right for even though people around don't really understand it At one point deeper knowing has become something you actually live And this is also why the black wolf does not need to disappear before you can move.

00:12:53: You can feel fear and still choose from another place!

00:12:57: You hear that doubt without giving it a steering wheel?

00:13:00: That for me, is empowerment because if we wait until every conditioned voice has gone quiet Before making our choice We might wait forever.

00:13:11: The Black Wolf may appear.

00:13:13: sometimes It will come looking for food But eventually, you begin recognizing it much faster.

00:13:20: And maybe at some point instead of being terrified that your story is back You can simply notice ah!

00:13:26: Your hungry and then just don't feed it.

00:13:30: Let the hunger be there Continue strengthening something else.

00:13:35: Over time balance changes.

00:13:38: The old voice may still whisper occasionally But it doesn't have the same authority anymore because you've stopped building your life around what is says.

00:13:47: The black wolf does not become powerful, because that exists!

00:13:51: It becomes powerful through what you continue to feed it.

00:13:57: You don't have to destroy a condition.

00:13:59: You can let it be weaker Through lack of participation.

00:14:04: And while that happens, you nourish the part of you that is connected to your deeper truth until it becomes a more familiar place to live from.

00:14:13: So maybe over the next few days simply notice which wolf is asking for food – especially when something touches a sensitive place in you!

00:14:22: Pay attention toward what your mind wants.

00:14:24: do with this moment and if you noticed an old story starting again… You can ask yourself Do I really want to feed these?

00:14:32: And sometimes that question is enough.

00:14:34: Because the moment you recognize what's happening, You're already no longer completely inside it and then you choose again.

00:14:41: That's the practice Just becoming more conscious of your knowledge inside yourself because whatever you continue to feed will grow.

00:14:51: Whatever grows in you eventually shape how you experience life.

00:14:58: So my dear Thank you so much for being here with me today and listen to me talking about black-and-white wolves.

00:15:06: I hope we see each other again in the next episode, And until then, I send you all my love.

00:15:12: Bye bye!

00:15:12: Here's Michel.