50: Self-Empowerment - Taking Your Power Back

00:00:00: Hello and a very warm welcome to the Bayonne podcast, your podcasts for fulfilled life.

00:00:07: Today I want to talk about self empowerment And i actually love this word because there's so much in it Empowerment power Taking you're power back?

00:00:29: Power has been associated with something very different from what I mean when i use that word.

00:00:37: We think of control, we think about having power over somebody else... ...of someone being above and someone else below And to me is not a power at all!

00:00:49: And I already recorded an entire episode on this topic.

00:00:54: It's Episode twenty-eight.

00:00:55: You can find the link in show notes if you want listen.

00:00:59: So the kind of power I want to talk about today is much quieter and at the same time, much stronger.

00:01:07: It's just a power that comes from knowing yourself.

00:01:11: it is moment where you begin to understand who are so deeply That outside world no longer gets decided for you.

00:01:21: And this is when self-empowerment begins Because as long somebody else can tell you Who You Are Your power is still outside of you.

00:01:32: Think about how often this happens in everyday life!

00:01:35: Somebody tells that you did an amazing job and suddenly, You feel great your partner looks at you with so much love And you feel beautiful.

00:01:45: Of course we are allowed to enjoy all of it.

00:01:48: Please enjoy and take it in The interesting part.

00:01:53: what happen when the outside changes?

00:01:56: Someone doesn't praise you.

00:01:58: The person you love is in a bad mood and doesn't give the attention that day.

00:02:04: And suddenly, something inside of your mind changes with it!

00:02:08: Now maybe you don't feel so powerful anymore... ...and start questioning yourself.

00:02:13: This what I mean when i talk about circumstantial power.

00:02:18: It depends on the circumstances being right.

00:02:23: As long as the world reflects back what you want to see, You feel good.

00:02:27: But at a moment The mirror changes.

00:02:29: relationship with yourself Changes too and that is an exhausting way To live because now the outside world Is permanently in charge of your inner world Self-empowerment.

00:02:41: It's the decision to change That relationship.

00:02:45: for me it begins With awareness.

00:02:47: you start noticing how often Your hand your power away without realizing Maybe somebody makes a comment about your body and suddenly you look at yourself differently for the rest of day.

00:02:59: Someone questions your idea, And within five minutes You have gone from being completely on fire to wondering whether that whole thing was stupid in first place?

00:03:10: In those moments The question is Who's deciding who I am right now?

00:03:16: Because you can actually catch yourself there You can notice why I just handed somebody else the authority to define my own experience.

00:03:25: And that awareness alone changes something, you come back and ask yourself what is actually true for YOU?

00:03:33: What do i know about myself ?

00:03:35: What do believe this path im on ?

00:03:38: And what we want?

00:03:38: continue choosing even if someone else sees it differently.

00:03:43: That from me is power.

00:03:45: There is an image I use quite often, and that's the image of a white wolf or black wolf.

00:03:51: The Black Wolf is that conditioned part of us who keeps feeding the same old stories.

00:03:56: It tells you probably not good enough That your too late.

00:04:00: You've already failed before And maybe this won't work either.

00:04:04: When we keep listening to that voice We give more energy To very small version.

00:04:11: You feed it every time you use an external circumstance as evidence that the story must be true.

00:04:18: Someone doesn't choose you, and suddenly means your not worthy!

00:04:22: That is how we hand over power – We allow an event to become identity And self-empowerment is where you interrupt this process…you can look at what happened without turning into a definition of who are someone else's opinion And from there, you can decide again what do want to feed.

00:04:44: That is the white wolf!

00:04:46: The part of your that remembers who are before circumstances start talking and I think this also where self empowerment becomes deeply connected with their body because knowing yourself intellectually it's one thing actually feeling as something else.

00:05:04: I meet so many women who are incredibly smart and to know a lot about personal development.

00:05:10: yet, when you ask them what do they actually feel right now?

00:05:14: They barely know where to begin.

00:05:16: And that makes self-empowerment very difficult because if you cannot feel yourself it becomes much easier for somebody else in reality become louder than your own.

00:05:27: So huge part of this work is learning into your body and notice what is happening there.

00:05:36: Just become intimate with yourself again!

00:05:39: What happens in me when somebody criticizes me?

00:05:42: What happens, When I am about to make a big decision?

00:05:45: Can i stay myself long enough To hear my own truth underneath the noise?

00:05:50: That's such powerful practice because Your body becomes this place you can return to instead of constantly searching outside for answer.

00:05:59: And the deeper you know yourself, The less you feel a need to protect your self from everything around.

00:06:07: I find that really interesting.

00:06:09: Sometimes we think being powerful means building stronger walls.

00:06:14: We become very protective of our energy and start looking at Everything outside us as something That might somehow get in But if You're deeply rooted In Yourself You can be much more open.

00:06:27: You meet another person's mood without making it yours, you hear an opinion that is completely different from yours and still remain connected to yourself!

00:06:37: You don't need to immediately fight it – you simply notice this is not for me… And move on... That feels very different.

00:06:46: being armoured all the time because armour is heavy It keeps things out but also makes connection difficult.

00:06:54: And for me, real power has a lot to do with being open enough to connect while still knowing where you stand.

00:07:04: This is also why I believe self-empowerment has so much to do it love and i mean love in much bigger sense here when You know yourself?

00:07:14: You don't need to separate from other people just stay yourself!

00:07:19: You can meet them.

00:07:20: form place of clarity You can have your values and your own direction without turning everybody who chooses differently into an enemy.

00:07:29: And that to me is a much more evolved form of power, you don't need to control another person in order to feel powerful!

00:07:37: You simply remain responsible for your own field... ...and that's enough.

00:07:43: So when I talk about taking your power back.. ..I mean becoming incredibly clear about what belongs to YOU Your values, your decisions your relationship with yourself, and then you stop asking the outside world to constantly confirm those things for you.

00:08:01: And that is a practice!

00:08:03: Of course there will be moments when somebody's opinion gets to you.

00:08:07: That happens too me too.

00:08:09: There are moments where you slip out of awareness.

00:08:12: The little self comes back into the driver seat.

00:08:24: Oh wow, I'm doing it again.

00:08:27: I am letting the situation tell me who i am and then you come back!

00:08:32: This is why awareness is so important.

00:08:35: one of the most powerful questions You can ask yourself in those moments Is where did that just give my power away?

00:08:43: And The answer Can be surprisingly simple Maybe you decided That somebody needs to approve your decision before you contrasted.

00:08:52: You look at it and realize that your entire internal state is waiting for something outside of you to move first.

00:08:59: And, this the moment when you can reverse direction instead of waiting for life to tell who are... ...you become very clear about what you choose be within a life which happens.

00:09:12: This is self-empowerment!

00:09:15: So I want to be very clear here because sometimes these kinds of conversations can be misunderstood.

00:09:21: Self-empowerment does not mean that you have to do everything alone, I absolutely believe in support.

00:09:28: Sometimes we need somebody who shows us the place where if gone unconscious again because we simply cannot see our own conditioning while are inside of it.

00:09:39: A mentor can remind what already know about yourself.

00:09:43: a powerful room can activate something new but nobody take your power back for At some point, you have to choose it.

00:09:54: That is the part that remains yours and I actually find that incredibly freeing because It means you are not waiting for somebody to arrive and save.

00:10:03: You can begin now Maybe today?

00:10:08: That simply means noticing one place where he has been making yourself dependent on something outside of you.

00:10:16: He don't need to change your whole life in one afternoon.

00:10:19: just look Where have you been waiting for permission?

00:10:23: where Have You Been allowing somebody's reaction to become your truth?

00:10:28: and Once, you see it.

00:10:29: You can decide whether you still want To give Your power there or not And this is a practice.

00:10:36: you bring your energy back to yourself You Become more aware of your own field and what do you Want to cultivate There and the More often you Do that The more natural It Becomes.

00:10:49: And at some point, there is this deeper knowing inside you.

00:10:53: I am here and I know who I

00:10:56: am.".

00:10:57: And somebody else can have a completely different experience of you without that experience becoming your identity... ...and i think there's so much freedom in that because then you actually live!

00:11:08: You can create..you take risks & be visible without constantly checking the room to find out whether you're still okay.

00:11:16: And maybe that is one of the most beautiful definitions of self empowerment for me.

00:11:21: You stop asking the world permission to be who you already are, and from there walk your path.

00:11:33: So perhaps take this question with today Where in my life am I still waiting for an external circumstance?

00:11:43: And what changes when I decide that power is already mine?

00:11:48: You were born valuable.

00:11:50: That did not begin, When somebody first recognized it and It does not disappear when Somebody fails to see it.

00:11:59: Maybe today a simply beautiful day To remember that.

00:12:03: So my dear thank you so much for being here with me with all my love, yours Michelle.