48: Judgment and Recieving

00:00:00: Hello, and a very warm welcome to new episode of the Bayonne podcast.

00:00:06: I am really happy you're here!

00:00:07: And today i want come back for topic that have already spoken about before... ...I think there's actually early podcast episodes on this but it keeps coming up because is just such an important part in this work....and that topic is judgment.

00:00:23: Because so often in my spaces women say, I still don't fully understand this whole thing about not judging because somehow it sounds as though i'm supposed to become completely neutral.

00:00:35: Almost indifferent like I am NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN OPINION ANYMORE and I totally understand that because I had exactly the same question at the beginning.

00:00:46: When we say Don't judge It can sound like you're supposed to sit there peacefully while something really bothers and pretends that everything is fine.

00:00:54: That's obviously not what I mean!

00:00:57: You are allowed to be angry, you are allowed say that something doesn't work for you... ...and of course your allow have boundaries.

00:01:04: The important thing is understand what happens energetically when perception turns into judgement Because there's a difference between feeling very clear, this doesn't work for me.

00:01:17: And getting so caught up in the story around it that you completely disconnect from person or situation and thats really point of episode.

00:01:27: The moment we judge We create separation.

00:01:31: From place of separation receiving becomes very difficult.

00:01:36: Lets say somebody says something to your and it hurts and you feel it immediately.

00:01:42: Something contracts in your mind, while that didn't feel good.

00:01:47: That perception is completely valid.

00:01:49: You can stay with yourself at the moment And notice what's happening.

00:01:53: The problem starts when we immediately add everything else to it.

00:01:58: Like she always does this She clearly doesn't respect me.

00:02:02: I knew this would happen again And suddenly, we are not really dealing with what happened five minutes ago anymore.

00:02:09: We're bringing all the experiences into it!

00:02:12: We are interpreting what the other person must have meant and before we know it... ...we've created an entire reality around this one moment….

00:02:22: …and that's where the energy starts to become heavy.

00:02:25: I see these all of a time especially in relationships.

00:02:28: Something happens between two people – and one of them feels hurt And instead of saying anything, they withdraw.

00:02:35: Maybe the other person notices that something is off but has no idea why?

00:02:41: So now there's already this little distance between them.

00:02:45: A few days later every interaction starts being interpreted through THAT distance.

00:02:51: a message feels colder than usual... ...a comment suddenly means something and slowly this whole construct starts growing even though nobody has actually spoken about what happened.

00:03:04: And at some point there is this massive thing sitting between two people who may actually love each other very much, that's when I say judgment creates separation because once i've made up my mind about you meant why did it?

00:03:22: I am in contact with my interpretation of you.

00:03:28: And the difficult thing is that we very often have no idea what was actually going on inside the other person.

00:03:35: Maybe they chose their words badly, maybe something hit one our own wounds much harder than it could ever be known.

00:03:43: and yes sometimes somebody really does behave in a way that hurts us but if he never brings into open we don't know.

00:03:53: So, I'd love for you to just check in with yourself while listening.

00:03:57: Is there a situation your life right now where something feels stuck because you've already decided what it means?

00:04:05: It could be with your partner or friend maybe somebody who works with you.

00:04:09: perhaps you heard and pulled back Or can feel that the other person has pulled back from YOU and don't really know what happened.

00:04:18: Just notice whether anything comes up.

00:04:22: I know this very well from my own life.

00:04:25: There have been situations where i could feel very clearly that something had shifted between me and another person, Something was hanging in the air And I had no idea what it was.

00:04:35: Maybe I said some thing That landed completely differently than I intended Because I hadn't meant it in a hurtful way... ...I wasn´t even aware there is anything to address But I could feel the distance.

00:04:49: and of course that activates something in me too.

00:04:53: And then there's this little girl inside who says, I'm not good enough... ...I want to be loved!

00:04:58: Right now i feel rejected.. ..and don't wanna feel like it.

00:05:04: Once that gets activated the instinct is very often the withdrawal as well.

00:05:09: So Now one person has heard and moves away The other person feels rejected and does the same And suddenly both are contributing to exactly the separation that neither of them actually wanted.

00:05:24: So, that has been a huge lesson for me over the last few years.

00:05:28: At some point somebody has to move toward connection again and sometimes That means leading yourself into conversation You don't particularly feel like having because you do not know what will come back.

00:05:43: Maybe you're simply say, hey I feel like something is off between us and... ...I don't really know what had happened.

00:05:50: Can we talk about it?

00:05:53: You don't go into that conversation to prove that your right!

00:05:56: You go in through because he want bring something back into movement And you may still disagree afterwards.

00:06:03: That's completely fine.

00:06:05: Connection doesn't mean two people suddenly have the same opinion.

00:06:09: It means that you're actually meeting each other again instead of relating to assumptions in your own head.

00:06:16: And the moment it happens, energy can start flowing again!

00:06:20: Now...the same thing happens with situations.

00:06:24: You can judge a person but also judge what is happening in any area of life.

00:06:29: Sometimes judgment itself cuts us off from possibility.

00:06:35: something could still change.

00:06:37: We do this with the future all that time.

00:06:41: Something didn't work before, so we assume it won't work now either!

00:06:46: We've had a certain experience in our relationship and without really noticing... ...we take that experience and project it forward.

00:06:57: Then you're no longer meeting the present moment as is….

00:07:00: …we are meeting through the lens of past And thats where awareness can change so much.

00:07:07: You can stop for a second and say, wait a minute.

00:07:10: I've already decided how this ends.

00:07:14: Maybe you don't know.

00:07:15: maybe the future is still completely open And i love the image of a blank sheet of paper here.

00:07:22: What if you allowed yourself to approach your situation from there?

00:07:27: Not pretending that the past never happened... ...you know what you experienced but you stopped using it as proof or what has to happen next and that alone creates more space.

00:07:39: And I think this is also where the image of feeding a white wolf becomes really helpful.

00:07:45: Every time you repeat your old conclusion, You make that reality stronger!

00:07:51: You keep telling yourself see i knew it.

00:07:53: here we go again... ...and eventually It feels completely true because YOU FED THAT STORY over AND OVER AGAIN.

00:08:00: But the moment you become aware of IT you can interrupt that pattern.

00:08:05: You can say, okay interesting I'm doing it again.

00:08:09: I am already hearing the grass grow and interpreting everything through this old story And then you come back into what is actually happening.

00:08:18: now.

00:08:20: That's such a different energy.

00:08:22: There are more openness Again!

00:08:24: You may notice that your body feels differently immediately because judgement costs us an incredible amount of energy.

00:08:32: Anyone who has ever had an unresolved situation with somebody knows this.

00:08:37: You might not consciously think about it all day, but its there!

00:08:41: Something is rumbling underneath the surface.

00:08:45: Maybe you don't sleep quite as well or notice that your little less joyful and not completely yourself.

00:08:51: In energetic decoding we call it a fulcrum An energetic knot where energy has stopped moving.

00:08:58: It's like frozen inside of system And if you leave it there long enough, It begins to affect much more than the original situation.

00:09:08: That is what I mean when i say that judgment can reduce your capacity to receive.

00:09:14: Part of YOU IS CLOSED!

00:09:16: Part of YOUR ENERGY IS OCCUPIED WITH HOLDING THE SEPARATION IN PLACE and OF COURSE.

00:09:21: THAT HAS AN EFFECT ON YOUR OVERALL STATE.

00:09:24: So When I notice something like this in my own life I try to guide myself back and ask, okay what is actually going on here?

00:09:33: And if there's something i need put the table.

00:09:37: Sometimes that means having a conversation.

00:09:40: In other situations The whole shift happens inside me because I realize That am making assumptions that aren't based on whats happening now.

00:09:49: The important thing Is that don't want stay stuck in this closed state.

00:09:54: I want emotion be felt and move.

00:09:57: I want to come back into connection with myself and where possible, the other person or situation.

00:10:05: So i'd love make this a really practical episode for you!

00:10:09: Later today maybe tomorrow morning when have quiet moment take piece of paper.

00:10:15: ask yourself Where in my life does something feels stagnant right now?

00:10:21: When something comes up look at their judgement has entered picture.

00:10:26: Have you already decided what somebody else thinks about you?

00:10:29: have your taken something from the past and turned it into a prediction or is just simply some thing that needs to be spoken about because if both been dancing around for far too long, Just bring awareness.

00:10:44: You may find there's very simple next step.

00:10:47: maybe theres door can open again And sometimes thats all it takes.

00:10:51: get energy moving.

00:10:54: That is really what I want you to take away today.

00:10:56: Moving out of judgment doesn't mean becoming indifferent, it means staying connected with yourself while leaving enough space for reality.

00:11:05: so show you that this actually true.

00:11:08: You can have a clear opinion and still remain open And when you do that your heart does not have the clothes every time something feels uncomfortable.

00:11:22: So have a look at where this shows up in your own life and see what changes when you bring a little more awareness into it.

00:11:30: Thank You so, so much for being here with me today.

00:11:34: This was It!

00:11:35: For this episode And I send you all my love and hope to see you next time Yours Michelle Bye-bye.